Saved by a simple request from my Guru

In 2006, a crisis started happening: I could not make any progress. I could not pray or meditate. At one point, impossibility became real. It was so powerful that I could inwardly see a wall between me and my shrine, like a one-foot-thick wall of impossibility had manifested in my room. At this moment, I 'knew' that my spiritual life was over, so I gave up. Basically, you know how in the movies, they surrender ? (he waves a white flag) I went like that inwardly. I said, “Okay, it's over.”

I do not remember if it was exactly the same day or one of the next days. I became upset and I inwardly screamed at Guru, “Guru, you have to do something because I cannot do it anymore.” Well, after I did that, as I was leaving my house, I said to Guru in my mind: “If you do not help me, people will say in the future that you abandoned your devotee who asked for help.” I kept going to functions and doing everything normally, but inwardly I thought it was over.

Then a few weeks later, exactly on the fortieth anniversary of the Puerto Rico Centre, July 22nd, 2006, Guru asked me to massage his feet. With that one simple request, he saved my life one more time.

From that day on, Kamalakanta would regularly be requested to sit at his Guru's feet and massage him. This next experience took place the following year, in May 2007, while Kamalakanta was massaging Guru:

Just before the trip to Mongolia, we were at Aspiration-Ground, and it was raining lightly. I felt two things very strongly. First of all, that I wasn't touching Guru’s feet—his feet were touching me!

The second thing I felt was because people were staying. They didn't care if it was raining. Guru was looking at them, very proud that they wanted to stay and be with him. Then I felt that Guru’s feet not only were touching me but were touching all the disciples. Because his feet of compassion are not his physical feet. His physical feet represent his compassion, but his feet of compassion are infinite. They cannot be contained in the physical.

So, the one thing I wanted to tell say is that whenever you think of Guru, whenever you pray to Guru, whenever you meditate on Guru, his feet are touching you at that moment. You cannot separate his compassion from his other qualities. They are all infinite and they are all what he is, so that compassion is always there, always there.

I am seeking shelter,
My Lord,
In the haven
Of Your Compassion-Feet.

Sri Chinmoy 1

• 1. Seventy-Seven Thousand Service-Trees, part 20, Agni Press, 2001